Top 20 Things You Must Believe to Be a Liberal

  1. You must believe Global Cooling Global Warming Climate Change is the biggest threat to human survival and can only be curtailed by ceasing all capitalist activities.
  2. You must believe all conservatives are incapable of independent thought and are instead brainwashed by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Fox News.
  3. You must believe there is no difference between legal and illegal immigration.
  4. You must believe that “fake news” stories are the only reason Donald Trump was elected in 2016, but every anti-Trump story on the internet must be true.
  5. You must believe the NRA is bad because it advocates for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is good because it advocates for certain parts of the Constitution.
  6. You must believe it’s more important that all people be equal at the finish line than be equal at the starting line.
  7. You must believe the top 20 percent of income earners who pay 95 percent of all income taxes aren’t paying their “fair share”, but the bottom 50 percent of earners who pay $0 in federal taxes and consume more government benefits are.
  8. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it
  9. You must believe in fiscal responsibility, but only if it means cutting the defense budget and raising taxes.
  10. You must believe there was no art before federal funding.
  11. You must believe conservatives are racist, but blacks and Hispanics cannot make it without your help.
  12. You must believe guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Iran and North Korea.
  13. You must believe the same government that pushed the “settled science” of the carb-dominated FDA food pyramid is qualified to judge the “settled science” of climate change.
  14. You must disbelieve any news stories released by Fox News or Newsmax but believe everything put out by Al Jazeera and state-run media in Cuba, Venezuela, and China.
  15. You must believe that standardized tests are racist, but affirmative action and racial quota requirements are not.
  16. You must believe that businesses create oppression but governments create prosperity.
  17. You must believe the majority of the population disagrees with you simply because they are delusional, brainwashed, or uneducated.
  18. You must believe in free speech unless it comes from a conservative or libertarian speaker.
  19. You must believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t brought prosperity anytime in history is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
  20. You must believe this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy–probably funded by the Russians.


Related Links

Liberal Meme Gallery
Socialist Meme Gallery
15 Things You’re Not Allowed to Say or Think in America

Written by: Joe Messerli
Last Modified: 6/14/2018

Top 5 Best South Park Songs

There are so many great songs to choose from. The ones below were chosen not only for the song itself but their related episode:

5 – Wendy Testaburger – Boy Band Tryout

The boys figure they need five to have a true Boy Band, but after they can’t find a fifth male, they give Wendy a tryout.

4 – Chef – Make Love to You Even When I’m Dead

A pink eye/Worcestershire sauce Zombie outbreak hits South Park on Halloween. Chef and the boys fight back.

3 – Eric Cartman – Poker Face Karaoke

Wii karaoke sung by the master.

2 – Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, Stan – Fingerbang Boy Band Concert

The boys take their place in history by N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, and New Kids on the Block.

1 – GGWK – Rainforest Activist Concert

Jennifer Aniston leads an activist group of kids to sing a save-the-rainforest concert, then find out what a rainforest is truly like.

Written by: Joe Messerli
Last Modified: 4/27/2018

Top 5 Seinfeld Episodes That Couldn’t be Made Today

Here are five Seinfeld episodes that would likely be stopped by censors in today’s overly sensitive PC culture:

5 – The Implant

Jerry struggles with the fact his girlfriend may have implants. George tries to get a funeral death certificate to get out of a flight cost before being caught double dipping a chip.

Memorable line: “By the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular!”

4 – The Sponge

Elaine corners the market on her discontinued birth control device and starts evaluating the “spongeworthiness” of her dates. Kramer faces down AIDS walk ribbon bullies.

Memorable line: “Who? Who does not want to wear the ribbon?”

3 – The Contest

After George is caught self-pleasuring, the gang makes a bet on who can hold out from self-gratification the longest.

Memorable line: “Are you still Master of your Domain?

2 – The Outing

Elaine’s joke on an eavesdropping reporter leads to Jerry and George being outed as gay. Meanwhile, George looks for a way to dump a domineering woman.

Memorable line: “Oh, my God, Jerry, what are you doing?! You’re with a ‘woman’! I leave you alone for two seconds, and this is what you do! I trusted you!”

1 – The Cigar Store Indian

Jerry tries to date a hypersensitive Indian friend of Elaine’s. Kramer sells a cigar store Indian to Pendant Publishing as he tries to get his coffee table book published.

Memorable exchange:
Jerry: “You can’t give something and then take it back. I mean, what are you…uh, a person that uh…”
Winona: “A person that what?!”
Jerry: “Well, a person that gives something and then they’re dissatisfied and they wish they had, had never uh…given it to the person that they originally gave it to.”
Winona: “You mean like, an Indian giver?!”
Jerry: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with that term.”

Written by: Joe Messerli
Last Modified: 5/15/2018