Top 20 Things You Must Believe to Be a Liberal

  1. You must believe Global Cooling Global Warming Climate Change is the biggest threat to human survival and can only be curtailed by ceasing all capitalist activities.
  2. You must believe all conservatives are incapable of independent thought and are instead brainwashed by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Fox News.
  3. You must believe there is no difference between legal and illegal immigration.
  4. You must believe that “fake news” stories are the only reason Donald Trump was elected in 2016, but every anti-Trump story on the internet must be true.
  5. You must believe the NRA is bad because it advocates for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is good because it advocates for certain parts of the Constitution.
  6. You must believe it’s more important that all people be equal at the finish line than be equal at the starting line.
  7. You must believe the top 20 percent of income earners who pay 95 percent of all income taxes aren’t paying their “fair share”, but the bottom 50 percent of earners who pay $0 in federal taxes and consume more government benefits are.
  8. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it
  9. You must believe in fiscal responsibility, but only if it means cutting the defense budget and raising taxes.
  10. You must believe there was no art before federal funding.
  11. You must believe conservatives are racist, but blacks and Hispanics cannot make it without your help.
  12. You must believe guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Iran and North Korea.
  13. You must believe the same government that pushed the “settled science” of the carb-dominated FDA food pyramid is qualified to judge the “settled science” of climate change.
  14. You must disbelieve any news stories released by Fox News or Newsmax but believe everything put out by Al Jazeera and state-run media in Cuba, Venezuela, and China.
  15. You must believe that standardized tests are racist, but affirmative action and racial quota requirements are not.
  16. You must believe that businesses create oppression but governments create prosperity.
  17. You must believe the majority of the population disagrees with you simply because they are delusional, brainwashed, or uneducated.
  18. You must believe in free speech unless it comes from a conservative or libertarian speaker.
  19. You must believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t brought prosperity anytime in history is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
  20. You must believe this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy–probably funded by the Russians.


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Written by: Joe Messerli
Last Modified: 6/14/2018

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