“Let me get this straight, you think that your client, one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante, who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to blackmail this person?”

“You probably heard we ain’t in the prisoner-takin’ business; we in the killin’ Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin’.”

“A wise man once asked, ‘Is it better to be feared or respected?’ I say, is it too much to ask for both? With that in mind I humbly present you the crown jewel of Stark Industries’ Freedom Line. It’s the first missile system to incorporate latest proprietary Repulsor Technology. They say that the best weapon is the one that you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree! I prefer…the weapon you only have to fire once.”

“I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I’m a steed.”

“Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?”

“What do tigers dream of, when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebra’s or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit? Don’t you worry your pretty striped head we’re gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed, and then we’re gonna find our best friend Doug.”

“People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and I can’t do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I’m flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed; but as a symbol…as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting.”

“All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2, it doesn’t even have a first name, it just says McLovin!”

“It’s called training. You know, being aware without drawing attention. You don’t think I’ve noticed those 34C’s in the camouflage tank top setting up a tent directly to the left of us? Or how about those twin cannons hiking up a mountain ridge 50 yards due west? Or the ridge itself? Round mounds of grass shaped like…”

“I see your drinking 1%. Does that mean you think you’re fat? Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”

“I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger.”

“Yeah, you gave me the wrong suitcase. Uh-huh. Yes, it’s a black Samsonite. Uh-huh. Ok, well don’t you think that the Samsonite people, in some crazy scheme in order to make a profit, MADE MORE THAN ONE BLACK SUITCASE?”

“If you see a cool looking guy, strike up a conversation and ask him on a man date.”

“Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?..When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to take her out, talk to her, be real nice and sweet…(and the other), what her head would look like on a stick.”

“Hello Amanda. You don’t know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here’s what happens if you lose. The device you are wearing is hooked into your upper and lower jaw. When the timer in the back goes off, your mouth will be permanently ripped open. Think of it like a reverse bear trap…There is only one key to open the device. It’s in the stomach of your dead cellmate…Better hurry up. Live or die, make your choice.”

“Like, I don’t know I just saw it. I saw it on the runway, I saw it take off. I saw out my window. I saw the ground. And-and the cabin starts to shake, right? And the left side blows up and the whole plane just explodes!”

“We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well, regardless, I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean than to stay here and die on this shithole island, spending the rest of my life talking to a goddamn volleyball.”

“Brenda, I don’t want to lie to you anymore. All right? I’m not a doctor. I never went to medical school. I’m not a lawyer, or a Harvard graduate, or a Lutheran. Brenda, I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16.”

“My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”